Seriously speaking, taking these yellow “Danfo” buses can be depressing. It can also make you feel so deeply contaminated, that it feels like you have contracted every disease in the world, including STDs!!!
So today, as I sat in one of these buses, the man who sat beside me was ogling at me. My shirt button kinda gaped open and the man caught sight of some flesh. I noticed this and adjusted, pouted, to make the man know I noticed. He didn’t relent o! He went on to stealthily changed the position of his arm, resting it on the back rest of the front seat so that his elbow could feel my boob. I noticed this and adjusted again, I rested my hand on the front seat too so as to guide my treasure from further violations. The man noticed and looked at me sadly. He soon got down, to my great relief.
He was replaced by a woman whose skin had been fried by cheap bleaching creams. She reeked of Mile12, (if you can relate). I gazed at her skin, strangely mesmerized by the revolting sight. Her arm seemed to be “tearing”, also a side effect of the creams. My gaze travelled to her face. There were strands of hair sprinkled on her neck and face. You know the kind that curl up like crayfish? Yeah, that kind. I had to hang my hand in a certain way to avoid body contact. Her stench filled the whole bus, like she had bathed in that Mile12 mud or something. This was when I became convinced that I had contracted diseases. When she got down, I unconsciously hung my hand for 10 more minutes, before I noticed and relaxed it.
Some touts also decided to collect all their “tithe” today. The driver cooperated at first and gave one of them money. Then another one came demanding money as well. The driver got angry and started yelling. One of these touts leaped onto the door to yell back at the him and I was sitting right there! He bathed me in spit! I had to shriek and raise my hands like I was in a wrestling match. He didn’t even apologize, he just left.
Another tout came along. The driver was being stubborn and this guy literally snatched his side mirror. He snatched it right off, I’m telling you! Three more touts came at different bus stops, my driver didn’t answer. He was stubborn like that.
The seat I sat on was hard, unforgiving wood. I hadn’t even reached Ketu and my butt was already aching.
For some minutes, everything was peaceful. Then another tout came. The driver was still insulting that one when a woman shouted “o wa o” ( she had reached her destination). She shouted it over and over but the driver didn’t even hear. When he finally heard, he said “e wa te brake fun mi” (i.e. Come help me step on the brake.)
Two other women sat beside each other in front of me. One with a basket of fruit in her lap was dozing, leaning her head on the other’s shoulder, while the other one was trying to push her head away because she also wanted to sleep. Oh boy. They ended up sleeping together. She left the shoulder-seeking woman to doze peacefully and she also dozed off in another position.
And me? I was very close to tears. I looked on at the whole drama, regretting my decision to take the bus in the first place. Immediately I got home, I went to the bathroom and scrubbed all that disease off me. These buses can be tiring.
Author: Aisha Adebiyi
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