The earth is ready to swallow me,
here in this silent,dark room..
because I am an outcast –
by my home,
I am the monster I haunt,
this is what the society moulded me to be..
and the moment I rejected myself,
I became an outcast.
He was my teacher,
my beloved teacher..
he taught me what menstruation is,
even when I know not mensuration is..
he told me –
“you are a woman. an asset”,
even when I have no maths set.
And when the room was dark again,
dark like it’s darker now..
he would map out my regional points,
even when he never taught me geometry –
he would fondle the succulence on me,
like an innocent kid pressing balloon…
and when I moan,
he would grin in ecstasy –
he taught me the act not the art.
My cheek still hurts,
of the stinging slap I received from mom –
when I called my teacher a devil,
the Lucifer I read of in the Bible..
my teacher –
is a Lucifer.
But words refuse to come now,
for a slap has sealed my lips –
all that flow out are saliva –
even when I’m not a snail.
And when my mom is out again –
out for her business trip,
my dad gone to his usual tavern –
my teacher would pounce on me again,
like an eagle pounce on its carrion..
he would swim fast in my vast sea,
like a whale breaking into the ocean beyond..
he would smooch my innocent skin,
until I wriggle out of daylight..
his whispers now form the echoes of the night,
“tell someone and die”.
I was just nine…
And when my father returns from the tavern,
his words escorted by commands of dry gin –
he would rip off my skirt,
and devoured what was left –
like the remains of a leftover food..
and when senses dawned on him,
he won’t cry,
men don’t cry after all.
“you are sweeter than life”
but is life sweet ?
Tomorrow is my eleventh birthday,
but tonight,the earth would consume me –
like my teacher consummate my vulva
and my father grub my labia..
I am gone,
for I’m an outcast in my world..
I hope mother don’t cry,
for she laughed when I spoke the truth..
why should truthful lies make a difference ?
I am broken…
like the potsherds.
even in my innocence,
I still moan.
It ends tonight…
Author: Gemini Yusuf
Profile: Balogu Yusuf a.k.a Gemini is a novelist, playwright and a poet. In December 2016, he authored a pamphlet ‘Days of Infirmity’. He is also the convener of Ardent Writers and the editor of iTalkCulture. He’s currently working on his upcoming books ‘When a Snake Sheds its Skin and Smiling Carcass