By Sotubo Olajide (HND, AATWA)
Just as old as time, several homes have experienced break-ups in various ways. One will always imagine the reasons for the ‘emergence’ of unhappy homes as against the happy ones that everyone clamours and prays for. They say about 45 –60 percent of youth are products of broken homes caused by their parents. And because corrective measures were not taken to end its recurrence, it has turned out to be a generational feat with over 60 percent (of) today’s marriages hitting the rocks.
The present day understanding of marriage is really appalling and a far cry from what it should be. Drawing from a Biblical reference in Eph 5:31 which says that ‘… a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and the two shall be one flesh’, we see that marriage is a fusion of two (2) people who mutually agree to be joined together as one (but, given the mutual agreement and confession of the word ‘I DO’ on the altar, to accept their becoming one), WHY THE BREAK-UP?
Authors have written on similar topic, listing the causes of broken homes, but, all this originate and revolve around:
- Inability to constructively relateones emotions to address a correction.
Just as we have Juvenile Delinquencies, we also have MARITAL DELINQUENCIES which can be simply interpreted or defined to be marital misconduct which aggravates to become major causes of broken homes. The realization of these acts of misconduct comes up in later years when both parties seem to have had a handful of experiences of avoidable issues as regards building a home. From The word ‘I DO’ you agree to accept and digest the ills of your partner, having understood the caliber of person you are getting hooked to. In the past and in very rare occurrences of today, match-making has landed many innocent souls into the cracks of broken homes. The rich in particular account for a larger percentage of the casualties with others falling into different categories as individual or personal issues may be e.g. lack of sexual satisfaction, too much of sex, greed, promiscuity and many more.
Ultimately, misunderstanding and the inability to constructively relate ones emotions to address a correction claims a larger percentage of the reasons for many broken homes. The most periods many spend together before marriage are deeply rooted in pretence and unwarranted impression which gives self-affirmation on either party’s qualification to build a home together, thus, marriage occurs, later resulting into a broken home.
The primary causative agents of these reasons originate from parenting, environmental and misinterpretation of cultural practices. Many parents do not understand the psychological implant of exchanging words in the presence of their children. The home is the first educational institution of the child and thus, issues between parents will always reflect psychologically on the children, most especially at tender ages. Most children grow to understand the normality of exchanging words with the spouse and worse cases beating up. Parents need to understand the home is a teaching ground for them as parents and a breeding ground for their children.
The environment is another. This is because the value of parenting should reflect on ones child in the public, but, when a child, as a result of constant dispute among the parents in the home decides to spend most of the time playing outside the home, the child easily picks up bad habits from within the environment fostered by peer pressure with a fusion of the unhappy marital delinquencies of the parents and many more.
Virtually, all cultures preach the submission of the wife to the husband but this has crashed many homes where the husband’s opinion wants to dominate, always forgetting that he is not the only one building the home and that the key of perfection lies in the hand of no man. This makes the male child grow to want to take total control of the home forgetting he is just a co-builder. The female child on the other hand gets advice from mummy not to allow any man give orders to her anyhow and at the end, a home is broken.
Instances have occurred in the news where a husband hit his wife over a 100 Naira argument, and the wife eventually died. One, the little children will grow with the mentality that daddy killed mummy. Two, the children will grow under one umbrella of understanding which is imbalanced without the values of the mother. Three, the man who only meant to slap the wife nhas dug in his heart, the children’s hearts and his in-laws’ hearts the deepest of wounds on the loss of the woman. This is a situation which patience would have solved amicably. Most women have ended up in marriages that were full of promises during dating, only to find out at the end of the day that all was nothing but a basket of water.
In conclusion, our parents may have made the mistakes that have denied us of benefits of happy homes and so many other things. However, their corrections solemnly lie with us (youth). But, the question is, are we ready and willing to put an end to the subsequent occurrence of broken homes?
There is need to examine ourselves deeply on how we handle our relationships and courtships. Your primary adviser should be the person you have chosen to be spending the rest of your life with. Learn to explain your points in order to avoid arguments respect each other’s opinions and come to a mutual conclusion. Keep quiet at the point of anger. She is your wife, he is your husband, and none of you have the right to hit each other. Understand each other’s capabilities, when you know he/she can’t afford 1000 Naira, understand his/her condition and don’t request for 5000 Naira. The other party can see it as a form of mockery, insult or intentionality to cause a storm but learn to seek each other’s consent to understand your bad sides for correction.
Being relevant and successful in marriage can only come to reality with a sober attitude. Therefore, to minimize and eventually end the growing percentage of broken homes the following needs to be reassessed and reconsidered:
Young women and men should be taught
- To be sober minded in all things and manner
- To love their husband and children with no restrictions: This is because the more you love them; you love your home and will always do everything to secure the home and avoid the home from being broken.
- To be discrete and chaste
- To be trustworthy
- To be keepers of the home
- To be of good behavior and attitude
- To be respectful and give regards to people around them most especially in-laws
- To be obedient to husbands, and for husbands to be obedient to their wives.
- To young men: Show themselves a pattern of good works, sincerity, gravity & incorruptible.
Above all, husband and wife should be hospitable to one another without grudges.
Finally, ‘whosoever heareth shall be likened unto a wise man who built his house upon the rock; the rain descends, flood came and wind blew and the house fell not. But, he that heareth not shall be likened unto a foolish man who built his home on the sand; rain descends, flood cam and wind blew and the house fell’ (Matt 7:24-27).
THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!
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