‘We invented marriage. Couples invented marriage. We also invented divorce, mind you. And we invented infidelity, too, as well as romantic misery. In fact, we invented the whole sloppy mess of love and intimacy and aversion and euphoria and failure. But most importantly of all, most subversively of all, most stubbornly of all, we invented privacy’, Elizabeth Gilbert.
Controversies have surrounded Toke Makinwa, an actress and an award winning multi-media personality whose past is traceable to a messy divorce she had with her husband, Maje Ayida after he impregnated Anita Solomon. The infidel’s life lived by Maje had led to this inevitable separation and one of the main triggers of Toke’s best selling book–On Becoming.
Funny enough, her life had been peacefully led afterwards until the recent ‘rumour’ that she is having an affair with Dr. Festus A. Fadeyi who is in his 70s. This new boyfriend or daddyfriend of hers is the billionaire chairman and managing director of Pan Ocean Oil Nigeria limited. It was claimed that he took loans to fund his firm’s oil and gas upstream project operated under joint operating agreements and production sharing contracts with and on behalf of the Nigerian National Petroleum Company (NNPC) and is allegedly indebted to Skye bank to the tune of 196 billion naira. This simple revelation has triggered the pointing of fingers (by Fadeyi’s children) at Toke Makinwa for milking their father continually despite being aware of his indebtedness.
Obviously, as a married man, the love tango isn’t expected to be a smooth one at least not from the woman that has proudly given him five grown up sons. If I may ask, would you then blame these children for making so much noise over the internet, spouting words on Toke to cut off all romantic ties with their beloved father? On a second thought, I sometimes wonder how most Nigerians reason myopically, perhaps just to follow the bandwagon of every other person. Toke Makinwa owes no one an apology or explanation for choosing to engage in an affair with the said man (that’s if she even does).
Firstly, it’s not a priority to other if she engages in such act or not. She’s a single woman who’s not to be tied down by the rule of what’s norm or what’s not. If she chooses to engage in an affair with Buhari, I don’t think it should affect anyone as far as your survival is not hindered and Aisha is not complaining. Having ended her marriage on the basis of infidelity from her partner does not exterminate her from other relationships. Perhaps, I’ve forgotten the concept of infidelity but I think if there is any infidel here, it should be Festus Fadeyi.
He was not under influence or coercion when he chose to step out of his matrimonial home to make out with Toke. If he chooses to marry Toke legally, it should be no one’s source of headache as far he’s able to balance the rope of responsibility in polygamy. Or did any law state that a married man can’t wed a divorcee? I’m sure Nigerians would have also pointed fingers at Toke if it was discovered that she was making out with an eighteen year old guy. I really don’t know how far we think before reacting to issues.
More so, most accusations have been on the basis of ‘milking an indebted man’. Toke has no involvement in this man’s industrial business and I’m very certain he was aware of his indebtedness before choosing to make out with her. Every woman appreciates material things (money as one) and that’s one of the factors that can make a girl go head over heels for any man. Money can necessarily sustain a relationship these days (to an extent) and that’s why only few girls can stay with a broke guy. Get thirty billion in your account and see how girls will sprawl at your door. I don’t think the constitution web her around for receiving money from a supposed lover! What should she have received? I’m sure all those women pointing fingers would have done worse if they were in the same shoes. They would assemble on the social media to display ‘holier than the holiest’ and one of them might just have broken up with her lover because of one hundred naira airtime. If Toke have to refuse his gifts, it would be based on personal decision(s) and not general beliefs.
When I see two women fighting on the street because of a cheating partner, I’m aggrieved. Those boys screaming on the net for Toke to leave their father are simply unwise. If there’d be anybody to throw baubles of criticisms at, it should be their father and not the woman who could as well be their stepmother in times to come. Most minds have been built in such a way that you see any third party as a threat but if the wall isn’t cracked, the lizard can’t gain penetration. If Mr. Festus wasn’t interested, there was no degree of seduction or temptation that could have made him fall or even ask her out in the first place?
Why do we hold women to higher moral scruples simply because we believe their supposed weaknesses could be used against them? Why is it right for a man to cheat and outright wrong for a woman to cheat? As weird as this might be, why is it logically right for a man to have two wives and wrong for a woman to have two husbands? Why must the woman bear the brunt of the man and face blames for all wrongdoings? Why is the woman always painted as the devil and the man, angel? When a man is caught in bed with another woman, we claim he was seduced and tempted but when a woman is caught doing the same thing, we call her a whore and slut shame her?
I wonder what we would have said if the table turned and Toke was the one spending on the man. It’s an absurd argument to claim she bleached her skin with the money gotten from the supposed mogul or she was bought a brand new Range Rover worth 50 million naira. It’s not your problem, it doesn’t concern you in anyway as far as it’s not your money! The reason behind Skye Bank loaning billions of naira to him doesn’t call for unneeded digging. As far as Skye Bank is not crying of bankruptcy, I see no reason why you would deter from your itching scrotum to focus on what two consented adults chose to do in privacy.
Dear children of Dr. Festus Fadeyi, you can leave Toke out of the unnecessary mess you’re causing and face your father. I am however certain that if he is not financially certain of himself, he wouldn’t get involved in those expenses and what if he chooses to? The public crying out there don’t even know what the man is facing in his private life, you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. Whether he’s a slave to his matrimonial wife, you know not but you rather chose to talk because everyone is talking. I pray, wisdom smile on us some day.
Charles Orlando has said it all:‘People don’t cheat because of who you are…they cheat because of who they are not’.